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Dealing with the hurt

You may often find that your whole day can change colour due to a tactless word or a callous remark, especially if it is from someone you love. Your initial thought is ‘Well if they really loved me, they wouldn’t speak to me like that’.

Things can then go from bad to worse. You think about it all the time, you ‘fester’ on their words until you have created a whole story surrounding the reasoning behind the outburst. That can lead to the angry onslaught of words from you in return and so the bad feelings multiply and multiply until the original cross word has actually been forgotten in the foray.

So, how do you deal with it? Well, once again I quote my mate Anthony Robbins who says ‘Ask yourself. What does he (or she) mean by that’. In other words, instead of moping around feeling hurt and victimised, get over yourself and see things from his (or her) point of view.

Ask yourself what this person that you love could be feeling in order to say those things. Is it really you he or she is lashing out at, or it is themselves. Have they had a bad experience that day which is playing on their minds. Often people act aggressively if they feel guilty about something, or awkward or perhaps vulnerable.

The next time this happens to you, and it will, stop before you retaliate. Ask yourself  ‘What does he mean by that’ and when you feel calm and in control (that usually means not talking for a few moments!) ask them if there is something bothering them and can you help. You may feel like smashing them right on the nose at that moment, but you will feel so much better for being the ‘grown up’.

If you can get an answer straight away then you will have more of an understanding. But sometimes, you just have to ‘let it be’ and walk away offering your support when they are ready to talk.  Your lack of aggression will have diffused the situation and allowed time for thought from both of you. And then other times you may have to say ’sorry’. Getting down to the root of the problem can be quite an eye opener.

Backing down when you have been hurt and taking a different route can be a relationship saver. It also keeps the stress levels down, and I don’t know about you, but ..

I’m too blessed, to be stressed!

May 25th, 2010 | Tags: , , , | Category: Relationships | 57 comments

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